Thoughts With Wings

People spend too much time finding other people to blame, too much energy finding excuses for not being what they are capable of being, and not enough energy putting themselves on the line, growing out of the past and getting on with their lives.

~J. Michael Straczynski~

     I wish people were more honest with themselves. I think life would go a lot more smoothly for them. I think that if we were able to look within ourselves and take a minute to really look and see what makes up ourselves, we’d learn more about how to live our lives than we ever thought possible.

     I am brutally honest with myself or as brutally honest as I can be. I learn new things every time I sit back and delve into what makes me, me. I know the good things and the bad things. But, if you think about it, none of it’s ‘good’ or ‘bad’…It’s just who you are.

     I know that my heart is pure when it comes to loving people. And, I know that if I cannot give that kind of pure emotion to someone, then I need to get them out of my life. It doesn’t mean they are bad people, they just don’t bring out all that I have to offer and I don’t like to only have half-assed relationships in my life, it doesn’t make me feel good.

     I know that for a very long time I chose people to love me for me. I would find someone who was ‘obsessed’ with me because it meant that I didn’t have to pay attention to the fact that I didn’t love myself. Obviously this was so unfair to the friend or boyfriend because they weren’t really right for me and I would end up hurting them in the end.

     I know that the one and mainly only person that I lash out at is my mother. I love this woman (and my sister) more than anybody else in my entire life, so she was the last person I would ever want to hurt intentionally. I realized, or rather she and I realized by sitting and talking about it and delving deep into my being, that I do this because she has become my mirror. She is who I look at to show me who I am. It’s a very real depiction of who I am and if she asks me a question and I don’t like the answer within, then I will lash out. We’ve now realized that if I behave like that, then I need to sit down and figure out how to change the ‘answer’ so that I am in alignment with it. It sucks for her, but I’ve tried to make a deal with her. I’ve told her that I will promise to try to ease up on her, but will she please understand that she is helping me by allowing me to physically see when I am not in a good place. 

     I know that I am a good person and a fair person.  I do not judge.  I try to help people become who I think they should be.  I do not chose my friends or my boyfriends on what they look like or how they act, I chose them because of the person they are.  I let people start out at 100% and let them prove to me they aren’t worth that percentage.

     I know that I expect too much from other people. I ‘expect’ them to do something and when they don’t, I will get irrationally upset. It was my fault and not theirs. I cannot expect someone to do something that he or she may be incapable of doing. I need to either understand that if the act is something I want in my life from my counterpart I either need to explain this to him or her or I need to understand that just because I want it, doesn’t mean he or she can give it to me.

      Don’t bullshit yourself or the other person. You cannot say you are ok, but continuously let yourself be disappointed. It’s not fair to you or the other person. Once you have realized that you are unable to get what you really want from this particular person you can no longer blame him or her for not giving it to you.  It is now on you.  If you stay, then it is your decision.  If you get hurt again from the disappointment, it is your fault.  You are not allowed to blame the other person.  So, sit back and be honest, can you truly handle not having this or do you need to find the person that can actually give it to you? (Remember sometimes this is just the Universe letting you know that this person isn’t for you). 

     Anyway, I’ve kind of gotten off subject. Sometimes, or rather a lot of the times, just realizing something within yourself can open up a whole new understanding of how and why you do the things you do. Believe me, it makes living life so much easier. But, don’t just realize it. Take ownership of it, make changes so that it doesn’t create issues for you in the future. When you learn how to work with yourself, you will inevitably learn how to work with others. You will find a better understanding of yourself which will bring about a better appreciation of yourself. With a better appreciation, you will start putting yourself in better situations. Better situations will lead to a better life for yourself.

I can’t promise it will be easy, I can’t promise it will be fun, but I can promise that it will be worth it!

No seriously!
Ladies: act like a lady!
Gentlemen: act like a gentleman!

Maybe some of the reason that relationships don’t work out so well is because we don’t respect ourselves enough to act properly, so why should someone else respect us enough to treat us properly?

The way you treat yourself sets the standards for others.
~Sonya Friedman~

But, sometimes we treat ourselves well and still run into the opposite kind of person.

I don’t care to date or be friends with anyone that isn’t respectful of themselves enough to be a true gentleman or a lovely lady.

You shouldn’t either…

(Guys, wait for this version of a girl!)

You’re so vain, you probably think this [blog] is about you…

     Yes, I speak from personal experiences.  I don’t know how my tone comes across via text, but I am really just trying to give information that I have accumulated throughout my life. 

     I am not angry, I am not ranting, I am not yelling.  If you sense anything in a certain post, it’s because it was probably something I had to learn the hard way in the past and I am trying to save you the same heartache. 

     I have nothing going on in my life right now that brings me angst or unhappiness.  I have gotten rid of all of those things and plan on continuing that trend if something were to try to weasel its way in now. 

     So, (hopefully) you appreciate the tidbits of info I try to impart through this blog, but please understand that I am not coming from any other part of myself than the part that would like to help someone else the way I was helped when I was first given this advice or went through this situation in the past. 

     It’s sad, but I know there are some people out there that would love nothing more than to hope that I am unhappy, but unfortunately that is not the case.  I am the happiest and most in alignment than I have ever been. Which reminds me of a quote…I know, what doesn’t 😉

The thing is that when you are vulnerable everyone thinks they can help you, but when you show it as a sign of strength, they get intimidated and anxious and try and squash you back to where you were.  And the thing is that as you grow up you have to leave people behind and move on and let go, and people are very frightened by that. 

~Princess Diana~ 

(I will probably use this quote again and expand on it in another post one day…)

I don’t always pick very good friends either…oops! But, the ones that I currently have are amazing. In other words, anything I post here can relate to any relationship you have, not just romantic ones. Sometimes I need help in all categories