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From the depths of despair, I bring you…
For anyone who has had the poor misfortune of being around me these past few months, you are well aware of the pure hell I have been living in within myself. Ok, so I’m a tad bit dramatic. But, whatever the name I use to explain, it has not been fun and what I put myself through I wouldn’t wish on even my worst enemy. Believe me, I even tried to wish it on them, but alas, I just didn’t have the heart to.
And the absolute worst part is that there is no one to blame but myself. Don’t think I that didn’t try to put myself in a time out for that one! (Yes, I know, that was a double negative…it just sounds better that way.) No one asked me to feel this way. No one told me to continue to feel this way. I had every right and opportunity to remove myself, but I didn’t. I made the choice to stay in a place that brought me deep within this chaotic hell (there I go being dramatic again).
GUESS WHAT!!! I’m so glad I did. Well, for one thing, I know that I refuse to give up on something until I know I’ve done everything I possibly can. Unfortunately, mostly at the expense of myself, but at least I’m passionate about the things I fight for. However misguided they may be. But the real reason is that this chaos was and is a beautiful thing. Because what’s the only thing you can do to quiet chaos? Ok, well I guess you can try to ignore it. Take my word for it, it doesn’t work. And, actually, you can give away the control and put it in the hands of The Universe (God, Buddha, or whomever you pray to). This is a wonderful idea if you are actually capable of giving up complete control. Of which, I am not. Orrrrr, you can CHANGE!!! Bingo, ding ding ding, we’ve got a winner. (I SO thought about taking that line out. I’m probably going to smack my head and wish I had. )
So, change is what I’ve decided to do and what I ultimately end up doing every time this happens. It does usually takes me a few attempts at the other options until I am left with no other choice. I was just so resistant to making a change because I kept thinking that I’ve done so much internal work in the past couple of years and I’ve changed so much for the better internally. Why do I have to do more work? Why is that not enough? Then, I realized that I go to the gym every day even though I love my body where it is. Turns out you have to keep working just to maintain and work even more to make additional gains. <insert sigh of resignation>
So out of this chaos I am finally going to meet who I am going to spend the rest of my life with…ME!!! See, it turns out that what we desire most in our life we can actually have…um, I’m ok with that. But, you have to think a way you have never thought before. Hello!?!? Old dog here, not real thrilled with new tricks 
But, my sources tell me that I am still teachable.
Apparently we have a conscious mind, the one that knows and says what our desires are and a subconscious mind, the one that actually attracts the desires. And, if you are currently not attracting what you want, well then your subconscious mind is not on board. Ugh, stupid subconscious!! Just kidding…sort of.
I’ve always been completely cool with, and even try to push upon my friends, the advantages of seeing a therapist. No, I am not crazy! Well, there was that one time that I… Oh, and I’m pretty sure that I once…ANYWAY, moving on 🙂 I’ve been going to my therapist off and on for the past couple of years, and while I absolutely love her (yay, Belinda), I felt as though we had reached a plateau. I am eternally grateful to her for introducing me to my internal ‘parts’, but now I want answers.
Enter Judy! She works with The Law Of Attraction. She teaches you how to create new pathways in your mind to align your conscious and subconscious mind. I know it sounds hokey, but it makes sense to me and well, that’s all that matters 😛 I figure: what’s some time out of my life if I can possibly get what I desire? And, she vehemently claims that I can.
Oh, and what you desire can be ANYTHING you want it to be. I know I tend to talk more about relationships here, but she’s actually marketed herself on being someone to help you with attracting your financial and career desires.
I’ll tell you what though, it’s freaking scary!!! I’m going to go through this process and come out thinking differently than I ever have in my 32 years. I’m going to unlock whatever is lurking in my subconscious that keeps bringing me almost the exact opposite of what I desire. Oh, ick, do I really want to unlock that?!?! Oh, did I forget to mention that whatever is in there doesn’t have to be fixed, apparently that crap is all lies in there. Huh, now you tell me! Seriously though, Judy says I get to just turn my back on it and honestly move on. I know, I don’t believe it either. I mean, how can you have stuff hidden away and not have to actually deal with it when you finally have the dreaded run-in? But, heck, why not try something new. Who was it that said ‘If you do what you’ve always done, you will get what you’ve always gotten’? I know I heard DiNozzo say it on NCIS, but whilst very cute, I doubt he came up with it 😉
So, lucky for you, I love to impart my newfound knowledge on any person (or thing) that will sit still long enough to listen or has the misfortune to catch me a little buzzed. Boy do I like to talk about this stuff with a buzz 🙂 I am going to hopefully keep this updated with my journey…no nothing personal, just tips. But, sometimes it’s daunting to put it all in a literary fashion. So, feel free to ask anything you want. If you have the guts to ask, I will have the guts to answer (especially with the aforementioned buzz) 😛
So, here’s to changing and getting what I want. How excitingly scary…
Marky Mark said it best!
You know, it’s totally possible to have big, huge, gigantic dreams, yet still be deliriously happy with today.
~Mike Dooley~
When you are happy and in a good vibration, you will attract all of those big, huge dreams 🙂
(If you are in an icky vibration guess what you will attract
Just passing along some AH tips :)
1. Take 15 minutes a day to remember who you really are (powerful, loving, creative spirit, in case you forgot). Our entire society programs us to feel powerless. Counter this insidious trend by reading, watching or listening to something each day that reminds you of the truth.
2. When it feels like a big exhausting struggle, stop. The Universe does not make things difficult. Our lack of alignment with spirit makes things hard. When you’re struggling, you’re out of alignment and the more you struggle, the deeper you dig a hole of negative emotion. So… stop! Even if all you do is take a walk or watch a funny movie, you will release resistance, which immediately aligns you with your Vortex.
3. Refuse to play the comparison game. We too often compare ourselves to others we consider to be super successful. Then we feel inadequate or sometimes even ‘cursed.’ Comparison leads to judgment of self and others and is an ego game that wastes your time and energy. You are always in your right place, and you have a choice in every single moment to love and encourage yourself. Loving yourself gets you into the Vortex, comparing and criticizing yourself (or others) “spits you right out again” (as Abraham likes to say).
4. Pay attention to how you feel. Abraham through Jerry and Esther Hicks teaches that our innate guidance system is emotional. Feel good and you are in the Vortex. Feel bad and you are not. Many people have little to no awareness of their feelings or like to think they feel good when they don’t. Law of Attraction is essentially a path to greater self awareness. It all starts with awareness of how you feel. If you’re not already tuned into this, start by checking in with yourself a few times a day. Ask: how am I feeling right now? That is the most powerful question to ask if you want improved results in your life and work.
5. When you feel bad, do something about it. Most of us believe it is OK, even “spiritual,” to tolerate a little frustration or tension or humiliation or overwhelm (etc.). This is not true, according to the Law of Attraction. Very low levels of chronically stressful feelings are the biggest cause of disappointing manifestations. “So stop it!” (as Abraham says). When you feel anything less than good, go back to steps 1, 2, and 3 to get your thoughts on an authentically positive track.
6. Use gentle affirmations and self talk. Do your affirmations, goals, and self talk sound like military commands? “By March 2012 I will quadruple my monthly income.” “I now exercise 2 hours a day and eat only healthy foods.” “I meet my soul mate and marry her/him by December 2012.” Yes, I know, goal-setting courses tell us we must be specific. And that can work – especially if you’re already pretty close to what your goal is. But big goals don’t always manifest on our timetable. If your affirmations and self talk feel stressful, choose language that’s more gentle. “I want to feel my financial well-being” is a beautiful (and effective) gentle manifestation. So is “I am ready to choose more healthy foods and daily exercise.” Or “I am attractive to my soul mate and allow the universe to find the best way to connect us.” Abraham calls this “going general.” It works!
7. If you feel stuck, get help. The most successful business owners not only get help with the business (accountants, virtual assistants), they also get help at home (housecleaning services, concierge services). AND if they’re really smart and successful, they get accountability help – people who support them in defining and reaching their goals (the coaching profession was created for this!). Even if you think you don’t have money for any of these “extras,” denying yourself help costs you far more than investing money in effective support.
Thoughts With Wings 